The Runaround

Oh, the frustration. My status on Facebook was a bit of an explosion, but allow me to explain the wonderful customer service experience I've been dealing with for the past three weeks.

I lost my cell phone at the airport on May 15, probably either in the rental car my roommate's father had driven us all to the airport in at 4 am or the tram that dropped me off at the terminal. I was distracted at the moment by the extreme hour, which was exaggerated by the fact that the assholes next door had been partying all night long and were still going after we had left; virtually no sleep, you see. Also, the handle on one of my suitcases wouldn't go down, and I kept trying to fix it so that they would accept it on the plane or the handle wouldn't get snapped off. It wasn't until the suitcase was fixed and I was in line to check my baggage when I noticed that my Chocolate phone was no longer safely in my left side pocket.

Fuck.

Only a few minutes later, however, and I was at peace. After all, had I not gotten insurance when I replaced my waterlogged RAZR over spring break? I just needed to go home, suspend the phone, file the claim, and by next week I'd be holding a new and improved Chocolate in my patient hands.

How wrong I was.

I suspended the phone that night when I arrived home, but it was about a week before I got around to filing the police report as I was eager to see my friends back home and just settle down. Also, I was desperate to find a paying job, and so that seemed to get the majority of my free time. A few days passed before I researched who I needed to call and what information I needed to get. A police report from the location of loss: at first I assumed it was LAPD, but LAX has its own police force. Check.

I called the LAX police but had trouble getting ahold of the front desk, as apparently only one officer is on duty there at a time and the line was busy. A day later, I finally got through, only to be told that before they could take a report on my phone, I would have to show up in person with a copy of my signed cellular contract. I attempted to explain that I was in Ohio for the summer and would be unable to appear in person. Still, the officer persisted, asking how far I was from the airport. After about four iterations of "I'm in O-H-I-O" the officer seemed to grasp that I was the better part of 3000 miles away and said I could fax my contract. I then said my contract was in storage in LA. He said I could have Verizon mail me a new copy and it could be faxed to their office and then, and only then, would they take the report. I asked if there was a time limit to filing the report. "Don't worry," the officer replied. "You'll be fine."

Figuring I had plenty of time to file the claim within 60 days of the loss, it was about another week before I finally got around to requesting that contract from Verizon; admittedly, my mistake. When I got ahold of Verizon, they acted completely shocked that I should ask for such a thing. "I've never heard of that before," said the servicewoman. "Usually you just give them the make and model and you're good." But after a few minutes, she promised to send me a copy of my contract, saying that it would be here in a week at the latest. She provided me with the phone's electronic serial number and bade me good day.

That week ended yesterday. No contract. No contract today, either. I called Verizon to inquire what had happened. Their response? That no contract had been mailed because it was an "electronic contract" and, therefore, there was nothing to mail; I had waited a week for absolutely nothing, and not only that, but they could not send me the contract. However, they assured me that I could still file my claim using an officer's name, badge number, and the precinct phone number, and it should still be processed.

I call the LAX police back, and they will NOT divulge that information without first filing a police report. I explain that it is impossible for me to provide them with a contract, telling them that Verizon had told me there was nothing to send because the contract was electronic. The police officer then said, "Contract? What we need is a copy of the original receipt." They said that it's common for Verizon and Cingular to fax them a copy directly; "Usually they're so good about it."

AAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!

I call Verizon, and the serviceman again asked surprised at my request. "I've never heard of the police requiring a receipt to file a police report before." After about twenty minutes of being put on and off hold, the man tells me that a copy of the receipt will be in the mail and in my hand in 1-3 business days. He will not fax it to the police. I call the police back to make sure that if I supply them with the receipt they will file the report; they claim that they will. I ask if there is a time limit to file the report, and they say 30 days. I confirm that if I file before June 15 they will file the report, they say yes. I ask what happens if I can't file before then, and the officer says they will make an exception in my case, because I've been trying. I ask if I should provide any information so that there's a record of my trying; she claims that the call is recorded and record enough.

Ugh.

Both parties claim that the other is asking for something exceptional. Time is running out, admittedly through some fault of my own, but I also was delayed a week by someone's incompetance. They have my home phone number, my email address; couldn't Verizon have SOMEHOW notified me that they couldn't mail the damn contract before the entire week had passed?

Someone is being exceptionally uncooperative, giving me the runaround. I'm inclined to believe that it's happening a bit on both sides of the equation, and I'm caught in the middle. Three weeks without a cell phone.

And I haven't even begun to deal with the insurance company yet.