"My God, It's Full of Stars!"

I was a bit of a Johnny Come-Lately to the Nintendo Wii scene. While excited about the system before its debut, the difficulty in obtaining one for a reasonable price had left me fairly resigned to the fact that I would likely not be obtaining one. In playing Wii games via the generosity of friends, I found them fun, but without spending a significant amount of time with the console I found it hard to get hooked. Besides, I had gotten a 360 and fallen in love with its High-Def goodness; who needs "two Gamecubes duct-taped together" to have a good time, right?

Fast-forward to a more recent, better time: as a result of Providence, I had laid my hands on a Wii, as well as the game that had never let my desire to purchase one completely die out -- "Super Mario Galaxy."

You see, the biggest fly in my 360 ointment was the lack of a good platformer. Yeah, yeah, "Braid" was pretty good once you got past the attrocious, pretentious-as-fuck narrative. "Psychonauts" turned out to be a relative disappointment because all the quirky personality in the world can't quite make up for wonky controls, and beneath the personality the story wasn't really all that involving. I had -- make that have -- no interest whatsoever in poorly programmed Disney-themed games. My last, great hope was for "Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts," but playing the demo only confirmed my gravest fears that Rare had once again screwed the pooch (or bear, to be more accurate to our unfortunate furry friend). And, while I attempted in vain to satiate this inner craving for liquid smooth platforming fun, I had heard all about how great "Super Mario Galaxy" was. I had even managed to play it a time or two, and found it enjoyable, but again, did not gain enough exposure to get me hooked.

Suffice it to say, I've now been hooked.

The game received enough accolades upon its release a year ago that I don't feel particularly obligated to add to them. Playing the game is fun and almost never repetitive as it is always presenting you with new obstacles and ways of surmounting them. The graphics are good enough that the "low" resolution doesn't matter half a hoo-hah. (Pray tell, what is a hoo-hah?) Certain objectives are frustrating (I throw a glance your way, Sweet Sweet Galaxy), but never to the point where you want to quit; on the contrary, you're always driven forward. It's hands-down vastly superior to "Sunshine," holding its own against the great "Super Mario 64."

Given the quality of the game, particularly in a genre that has been teetering on the brink via endless copycatting and corrupted with shooting mechanics in the "Ratchet & Clank" series, I have no issue understanding how it received such universal praise. However, I have been amused by looking at reviews that are critical of the game, complaining about the story and such. True, the narrative doesn't amount to all that much in "Galaxy," but what is there is arguably the finest offered in any Mario platforming game; critiquing Mario for not going all Tolkien on us is a bit silly if you're going to endlessly praise "Super Mario Bros. 3" when its story is inferior. Nintendo did at least attempt something new in this area with the Storybook chapters, so bitching about this point seems like... well, bitching. In a nasal voice. Mario games are all about gameplay, not story.

But, to give credit where it is due, that argument at least has a shred of merit to it. Believe it or not, there is another, more ludicrous argument against the game that seems to come up in the mediocre reviews, one best summed up in this quote from one such review:

"This game has too much originality, and lacks newer concepts to Mario's games."

Such brilliant insight is brought to us courtesy of radred2004 of GameFAQs.com. Notice the oxy-moronic quality: too much originality, by definition new concepts, yet it lacks new concepts. The game is too similar, but tries too many new things? Uh-huh. Those retained concepts -- the collecting of stars, the hub world, Mario, Bowser, fun -- those help to maintain series continuity. The new concepts -- the manipulation of gravity, globular worlds, massaging a bee -- those are there to always keep the game feeling fresh and interesting. Something that clearly went over your tweenish head. Considering your preferral of Sonic Adventure 2, I'm guessing you enjoy absurdly-complicated plots starring furry creatures and games that feature cheap deaths. Mario should never, ever be made more similar to the 3D Sonic games. That's like preferring the Star Wars prequels to the originals. Which, if you're a tween, is also probably the case.

I guess it just goes to show that no matter the quality, truly universal praise is never possible. There will always be at least one person with absolutely horrific taste, preferring their Manos: Hands of Fate to my Apocalypse Now.

And I shudder to think of it.